Meet Them Where They Are — Creating Engaging Activities for People Living with Dementia
Instead of trying to reclaim what dementia takes away, embrace the present — what your care receiver has access to now.
As caregivers for our loved ones with Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia, we often struggle with adapting activities to their changing abilities. Through our experiences, and what we’ve learned from others on their caregiving journeys, Nancy Treaster and I developed three important tips to help you create meaningful engagement that honors who our care receivers are today.
Understanding Activity Engagement in Dementia Care
From the moment of diagnosis, we need to shift our focus from what our care receivers used to do to what brings them joy now. This transformation opens up a world of possibilities, turning potential frustration into discovery for both caregivers and care receivers. When we embrace their current capabilities, we can better adapt activities, create meaningful connections, and most importantly, honor their dignity.
Here are three helpful tips for creating engaging activities that work.
Tip 1: Adjust Our Expectations
Our care receivers’ engagement and abilities change throughout their journey — even throughout each day. When we accept and support who they are now, we release our focus on the outcome of the activity based. They enjoy what they’re doing, and we feel great about them finding joy in the activity.
Key points:
- Let go of ‘before’ comparisons
- Let go of outcomes
- Watch for signs of enjoyment or frustration
- Pay attention to new interests
- Adapt activities to current abilities
- Accept different ways of engaging
Nancy’s Experience:
My husband would walk around the house and unscrew the tops of the lamps. Instead of fighting this interest, I found a child’s toy with large plastic pieces that screwed into a base. This became an activity he could safely enjoy at the time, fulfilling his interest in unscrewing things.
Sue’s Experience:
My father loved folding laundry, so we would give him a basket of unfolded clothes. He would carefully fold everything, often humming or whistling while folding, and bring us the basket — feeling proud of his achievement. Sometimes, we would wait awhile, quietly unfold the items, and ask him again to help us. Not remembering he had recently folded them, he joyfully folded the laundry.
By letting go of how we normally thought about folding the laundry, we were able to provide him multiple opportunities with an activity he truly enjoyed and engaged with meaningfully.
Tip 2: Prioritize Their Safety
As we introduce or adapt activities, safety must be a primary concern, considering both cognitive and physical abilities.
Key points:
- Consider vision changes and depth perception challenges
- Adapt activities to safely maintain independence
- Provide appropriate supervision and get creative in places to find it
- Make creative adjustments to familiar activities
- Create support networks for safety
Sue’s Experience:
My dad loved doing dishes, but his depth perception made it unsafe with regular dishes. We switched to nice-looking plastic dishes and glasses, allowing him to continue this meaningful activity without risk of breakage. He maintained his dignity while staying engaged in household tasks.
Nancy’s Experience:
If your loved one enjoys cooking but can’t safely use knives anymore, adjust their participation — maybe you do the cutting while they add ingredients to the pot. Think through each activity and find safe ways to maintain involvement.
Tip 3: Create Engaging Activities
Every person’s journey with dementia is different. Create activities to reflect their personal history, career, hobbies and interests, while engaging their senses. Whenever possible, engage multiple senses for a deeper connection and engagement.
Key points:
- Engage their senses:
• Touch (e.g.: fidget blankets, textured items)
• Sound (e.g.: familiar music, calming sounds)
• Smell (e.g.: familiar scents, cooking aromas)
• Sight (e.g.: colorful objects, family photos)
• Movement (e.g.: seated dancing, simple exercises) - Create social connections through:
• Small group activities
• Religious or spiritual practices
• Memory cafes
• Senior center programs
• Family gatherings
Sue’s Experience:
We moved my husband into a memory care community for several years. Wonderful music was frequently brought in and every resident connected to it based on their life experiences and health journey. One day when the residents were all enjoying the music, I noticed one of the residents, who had significantly limited mobility, move her foot — almost imperceptibly — to the music. I shared her sign of the immense joy it brought her with the other caregivers and we all celebrated this sign with great joy. Celebrate even the tiniest moments.
Nancy’s Experience:
My husband loved cars and cleaning them, so we would wash cars together outside on nice days. He would sponge the car with soapy water and I would rinse the car. I would think we were finished and look over to see him, with great joy on his face, soaping the car — again. He might wash the same car multiple times, but when I let go of expecting a specific outcome, it became a wonderful activity that brought him joy and purpose and brought me joy for him.
Special Considerations for Activity Planning. When planning activities:
- Observe body language for signs of engagement or distress
- Have backup calming activities ready if they get agitated
- Remember that watching can be a form of participation
- Consider “drip grief” (see bottom of post for definition) — both yours and theirs
- Be flexible and creative in your approach
- Accept help from others who want to support you
Final Thoughts
Creating engaging activities for someone with dementia requires us to let go of our expectations and embrace who they are today. While it may feel challenging at first, finding ways to connect with your care receiver in their current reality can create meaningful experiences for both of you.
Key takeaways:
- Focus on present abilities rather than past capabilities
- Ensure safety while maintaining dignity
- Engage multiple senses
- Create opportunities for social connection
- Be flexible and patient
- Celebrate small moments of engagement
Sue Ryan Drip-grief definition:
I created the name drip-grief to symbolize moments along our journey where we’re grieving something either we as caregivers know we won’t be able to experience with our loved one anymore or, or our care receiver recognizes they don’t have access to anymore.
An example of each of these from my experiences:
- My experience — My husband and I walked down to the beach and held hands as we watched the sun set. I knew this would be the last time he would experience seeing the sun set in person, and I knew it would be the last time he and I would experience this together because we were moving him into memory care the next day.
- My husband’s experience — My husband was in accounting and finance his entire professional career. He was known for being able to look at complex problems and see answers clearly and look at columns of numbers and add them in his head almost instantly. As his diagnosis progressed, he began to struggle with making sense of numbers — and he knew it. One evening he came to me and shared he could tell his diagnosis was advancing because he could no longer look at a list of numbers and add them together. He said knowing this made him sad.
If you have activity suggestions for care receivers in your life, please share them on our Facebook page or Instagram page.
We’re all on this journey together.
